If you choose to react less from habit and impulse and, instead, respond with thoughtfulness and clarity, what impact would that have on your leadership? …Your team? …Your life?
Something I’ve come to know and experience that I wish I had learned early in my leadership career (and personal life too!) is this: While we can’t always choose our outer circumstances, we can choose our response. How we think, how we act and how we feel are choices we can make. What it takes is awareness and practice to shift out of our habitual patterns.
Our Minds Today
Let’s all acknowledge that there is a lot going on in our lives that takes our focus out of the here and now. As a society our attention is conditioned to be distracted by our phones, the news, our to-do lists, and on and on. Recent studies are showing that nearly 47% of the time our attention is wandering. That’s staggering!
Mind-wandering does have a functional purpose—it is beneficial for creative thinking and brainstorming. It becomes problematic, however, when we are unconsciously operating in this state. Have you ever driven somewhere and you can’t remember anything about the drive because you were caught up in your own thoughts? It’s like your body was driving but your mind was somewhere else. I’ve done this and felt lucky I got to where I was going!
This can happen at work, too. Imagine you’re in a meeting and your co-worker says something that sets you off. Maybe it reminds you of a time months ago when your boss shot down one of your ideas. Suddenly you’re caught up ruminating about all of the things you think your boss does wrong. Hooked by your thoughts and emotions, you have now missed the meeting and have no idea what was discussed. This is how easily we can slip into habitual patterns and autopilot mode.
Ask yourself honestly: What percentage of the time would you say your mind is fully present to the people you are with or the work you are doing?
When our attention is focused in the present moment, we have access to all of the information available to us—our mental biases are relaxed, our senses bring in information from others and the environment, and our bodies send us signals about what is going on. From this broad awareness, we are able to make smarter decisions, have stronger, healthier teams, and improve results.
While individual leaders may be producing results and hitting targets, their potential isn’t fully realized, nor is their team’s potential, until they are consciously aware of the impact their thoughts, behaviours, and feelings have on others.
Studies of hundreds of organizations show that when the leader is grounded, clear and calm, the group becomes grounded and calm; and, if the leader is dysregulated, the group feels unsafe. That’s when trust and good communication break down.
Here’s the thing: Our thoughts form our actions and our actions produce feelings which then influence our thoughts, and the cycle continues. Why? Our feelings draw from our personal experiences and impact our nervous systems, which impacts our internal state.
Now, you might be thinking (and I certainly did when first learning about this), I don’t have time to learn a new practice. Things are going fine and, if I shift my focus, won’t I miss out on doing what I need to do or miss an opportunity?
It’s not that we need to learn something new, but rather that we need to let go of mental habits that are holding back our full potential. Being aware (we can also call it being conscious or mindful) does not require sitting on a meditation cushion or setting aside hours a day. It’s accessible to anyone at any time as we go about our day-to-day lives as the family members, friends, and co-workers that we are. It does require 1) some basic knowledge about what is going on for us internally, 2) our attention, and 3) a choice to select the thoughts and behaviours we want to have.
Knowledge: Get to Know How You Are Wired
The nervous system is one of the oldest systems in the body and it’s designed to keep us alive. There are three general zones of the nervous system: flourishing, fight/flight and freeze. The fight/flight and freeze zones were critical to survival when humans were running from tigers or playing dead to avoid bears. Although the vast majority of human civilization no longer lives in the wild, these responses are still encoded in our bodies and serve to keep us safe from danger. The challenge human beings face today is our nervous systems being put into prolonged states of dysregulation by lifestyle stressors that can be managed or avoided with focused attention and practice.
The graphics below illustrate the three zones of the nervous system and some common physical, mental and emotional cues or characteristics of each.
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Attention: Notice the “Cues”
With this basic knowledge, we are now equipped to become aware of which zone we are in and the triggers that can cause us to go into each of these zones.
Here’s an exercise you can do to immediately raise your awareness.
Take a few minutes to reflect on the “3 Zones of the Nervous System” graphic above.
1. Identify the “cues” in each zone that most commonly occur for you. Write down all that apply. Are there others to add?
2. Be curious about the cues and ask yourself:
- Under what circumstances do they tend to arise?
- How are you currently managing them?
- What impact do they have on yourself and others?
Choice: Select and Have the Constructive Thoughts and Behaviours You Want
With this awareness of your own habitual patterns, you can choose to respond in healthier, more constructive ways for yourself and for others.
Exercise: Select Your Thoughts and Behaviours in Advance
Make a list of simple things you can do to direct your thoughts and behaviours so you can be in the “flourishing zone” more often.
- Consider what you can do proactively to stay regulated. For example: eat healthy foods regularly, maintain a sleep routine.
- Consider what you can do when you notice yourself getting dysregulated. For example: Get outside for fresh air, take a few minutes to breathe deeply.
Draw a simple chart like the one below to guide your thinking and planning.
Exercise: Have Your Thoughts and Behaviours Now
A quick exercise to help you focus your attention and be in a state where you can choose your thoughts and behaviours is to feel your feet.
Here’s a simple question I learned from a leadership coach: “Are my mind and my body in the same room?” If not, I’m not being attentive and am likely falling into habitual thinking, doing, and feeling.
How to do it and why it works:
1. Take a moment to press your feet into the ground and wiggle your toes.
2. Feeling the physical sensations of the body, like your feet, stops the habitual mental loop and provides an opening for us to choose our thoughts and actions.
It really is that simple, and it can be done anywhere, any time.
Greater Awareness Equals Greater Potential
Leaders who are aware of their patterns and who can regulate and manage their nervous systems well positively impact others around them and achieve greater results.
With this basic knowledge about the impact of our thoughts, behaviours, and emotions and how our nervous systems work, we can practice focusing our attention and skillfully choose to respond with agency rather than as victims of habit.
“Start by doing what’s necessary, then what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” (St. Francis of Assisi)
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